I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I did. :)

The following is basically a whine and ramble about me and stress. It may get boring and tedious, so read at your own risk.

Amazingly so, because I thought I’d cracked on Wednesday.  Ever get to the point of total stress overload?  I felt it coming on Monday night when I had to do something after I’d already reached the point of total exhaustion.  Tuesday it was more of  the same.  I knew that I needed badly to stay in, but I had no choice but to take Dad to get his suit.  At the gym, there was something sentimental on one of the TVs and I was teary eyes.  Later, I had to fight an all-out crying jag over the next sappy thing I saw.  By the time I got to Wednesday, I was having trouble falling asleep at night…which is unlike me.  I usually fall asleep when my head hits the pillow.  Dealing with the feeling of exhaustion yet the inability to turn my thoughts off just seems to increase the anxiety and tension.

Wednesday was one of those “what can go wrong, will go wrong” sorts of days.  I knew that I needed to rest, but there was no rest for the weary.  Instead of the weepy mode kicking in hard, the adrenal over-stimulation led me to being snippy and critical, until the crying melt-down mid afternoon.  I don’t even have PMS to blame for it!  Just too many things to do with no one to get them done but me along with too many demands on my time. 

I forced myself to deep breathe until I fell asleep.  Breathing exercises seem like nothing when all is well with the world.  However, when your body is screaming from tension and stress, it turns into a Herculean task to evoke the relaxation response.  Seems like an oxymoron. I had the works going on:  clenched jaw, tight muscles, headache, pounding heart, forgetfulness, mild skin breakout (yeah, you think you’re free from that when you’re not a teenager anymore. HA. Fortunately, for me, my breakout decided to happen on my jaw line, not where the world has to see it),  stomach upset, loss of appetite, mood swings.  I kept forgetting to eat, which screws with my blood sugar which in turn makes me feel spaced out and other-worldly.  On top of that, I’m dealing with another small area of staph infection.  Seriously, this is getting really old.

I knew I needed to kick into a Zen-like state.  I don’t mean anything mystical or non-Christian by that.  I’m speaking of Zen as it relates to stress management.  Through meditation you can get to a place where you silence your intellectual and internal dialogue and focus on living in the moment, in the “now.”  For me, I’ll deep breathe and mediate on Psalm 23 or the song, “Jesus, Name Above All Names” while I breathe in and out, slowly…then go through step by step relaxation of every part of my body.  Doing this, I can get myself out of freak-out mode and actually get some rest.  The tricky part is carrying it over to the day-in, day-out functioning.

That’s what I worked on yesterday.  I got up, put the turkey in the roaster and went to the gym.  Got in a great workout, although the first ½ hour I still felt over-stressed and wondered if I should even be there.  By the time I was done, I felt great.  I showered and made my the dough for my homemade honey-wheat rolls.  Put a potato casserole that I’d made on Wednesday into the oven.  I made sure that I focused only on the task at hand, not what had to be done next. 

Normally, last minute shopping on Thanksgiving Day is stressful.  I just carried my Zen state with me and it was no problem.  For a change everyone was smiling and happy.  Yes, it was full of people frantically grabbing whatever items they desperately needed for their feasts, but it seemed less crazy, less vicious than other years.  Smiley people everywhere. 

Got home, cleaned the house like crazy…without feeling like my head was about to burst.  In the moment.  Before I knew it, everyone was there, the feasting had become.  We had a blast - laughed a lot.  “A merry heart does good like a medicine.”  We played games, talked and ate.  I still am having appetite issues – but that’s not a bad thing.  At least I don’t have to worry about the post-Thanksgiving bloating and weight gain.

If ever I needed anything mind-numbing, I got it.  After everyone left I watched, “The Queen.”  It zoned me out.  Helen Miren may have done a wonderful job, but it was still a snooze-fest.

Anyway, there are some things I cannot change right now and some things I can.  I have to work on what I can change and Zen my way through the rest.

I am a Type A personality who has struggled to work my way to being more Type A-B.  It had worked until recently when my “can-do” girl traits kicked in too hard. 

I am over-scheduled.  I tend to be a perfectionist.  The over-scheduling I can’t do much about right now… there is a wedding coming up and there are obligations that I can’t slack on. (My to-do list for the next week is INSANE).  Plus, this is the Christmas season.  There are a slew of happenings that I either can’t skip or don’t want to skip.  As for the perfectionist part, well, I can give myself permission to not be perfect.  It’s hard but I’ve been working at this one all year. 

Considering what I'm up against,  I’m working out a plan to survive without driving myself to panic attacks, without making my Graves ’ disease decide to pop out of remission.  I have the anti-bodies for both Hashimoto’s and Graves’.  It seems that whenever I am overstressed like this, it’s the ones that make me hyper that kick in, making matters worse.  Because of this, it is impossible to keep my thyroid regulated.  I need thyroid hormone, I have too much thyroid hormone, I need to block thyroid hormone, etc, etc.  I’ve learned *not* to be afraid of needles..

1) Pray wherever, whenever.
2) Relaxation exercises for at least 10 minutes at a haul, twice a day.
3) Extra vitamin C.
4) Remember to take my B-vitamin supplement.
5) Up my yoga time.
6)  When the wedding is past, make a Quiet Day.
7)  Get out my paints and create.
8)  Keep practicing mindfulness.

As I typed this I got a phone call and got out of one obligation that had been thrust upon me. :)  Today is now MINE!

I don’t have to include exercise in my plan.  I’m wondering, however, about shaking things up and changing them in some way again.  I change plans every 6 weeks or so to prevent boredom and maximize effectiveness.  I must say, I’ve gotten those nifty muscles on the sides of my upper arms without focusing on them.  I’ve been doing lots of compound movements and staying away from too much bicep/tricep focusing.  I hit them when I do presses, or pushups, etc…I think I only focus on them singularly once a week.

~o~

I was excited when I saw that Target was having adjustable weights as part of their day-after sale.  Until I read about them:

Reebok Speed Pac™ 25 Adjustable Dumbbells on sale for $46 at Target and GNC.   The problem is they only go up to 12.5  lbs on each hand.  That’s diddly squat.  I need ones that go up to 25 lbs on each hand, at least. Preferably 50. 

~o~
Yesterday’s workout:  30 minutes Octane HIIT. 45 minutes circuit training, full body.  10 minutes treadmill, 5% incline, 4.2 mph.  The gym was *packed* so I was forced to modify, take whatever dumbbells were available and work with it.  The exercise room was being used for some total body turkey blaster, so there was no opportunity for plyo or using the balls.

The Circuit
squat-press 10/60
alternating dumbbell press 12/60
sumo squat 15/60
pec fly 15/60
--1:00 treadmill sprint
wide stance dead lift 12/80
single arm dumbbell row 20/40
Bulgarian split squat 24
concentration curl 15/60
--1:30 Sci-fit sprint
leg press 15/280, 12/285, 15/290
calf press 15/280, 12/285, 15/290
chest machine 15/95, 12/100, 6/105
leg curl 15/100, 15/105, 15/110
ab machine 15/125, 15/130, 15/135

First and foremost, check out this great blog entry by John Barban, "Hot" Workouts. He calls it like it is - a ridiculous fad. Personally, I hate, detest and despise working out in the heat. If I don't get out for a run in the cool of the morning, I'm headed to the gym to use the treadmill or elliptical. I love when he mentions in his blog how people claim the the extra sweating cleanses the body of toxins - but if you ask them what a toxin is, they don't know! Sweat is made up of water, salt and small amounts of odorants. Some hormones may get released in the process (hence, women loving sweaty men...sometimes).

~o~

Exhaustion: The state of being exhausted; extreme fatigue. Lately, we hear about celebrities being hospitalized because they're just completely and totally stressed out. I'm surprised you don't hear more about regular people succumbing - it's probably because the rest of us poor wretches can't afford a week-long rest in the hospital.

Type A personality types seem to be the most prone to exhaustion and stress-disease. Some common traits of Type A personalities:

- Multitaskers
- workaholics
- overachievers (hard driving and ambitious)
- highly competitive
-time urgency
- impatience
- tend to speak aggressively
- have a hard time relaxing without feeling guilty
- have a high degree of competitiveness
- There are also Type A people-pleasers who exhibit a lot of the above, but with the need to "keep everyone happy." This type has a hard time saying "No."

You can take this little test on Discovery Health to see if you're a Type A.

I used to be so Type A that it hurt. (Except for the competitiveness part - I compete against myself). Now I'm right in the middle - a nice Type AB combination. My results read:

That feels like success to me! I still like things done, I like them done right, I like them done efficiently, and I like them done expediently. And I'm still definitely one of those people who tend to take more on my plate than I should... but I've evolved. I'm better at delegating, better at walking away when I feel overwhelmed. (I still do some of my best work when I'm under pressure, so at times I find that I deliberately wait until the next to last minute to begin a project, just so that I feel that urgency...)

A few years ago, when my mother was sick with a very rare form of cancer, I had myself in a dither. I was worried about her spiritual state, I was worried about the care she was receiving, I had classes to teach, kids to homeschool, I was Sparks director, writing skits and planning events, training for a marathon, etc, etc. I worked myself to the point of adrenal exhaustion... but before exhaustion hit, it started with my adrenal glands going a bit wacky.

One afternoon, I suddenly had the sensation that some one had inserted an IV line with espresso in my veins. My heart was racing, my head was racing. First thought, Graves' Disease was making a comeback. I couldn't sleep, I was shaking all over... and finally went to the doctor. He ran some tests, had me come back and told me that I had overloaded myself with stress. Not only was my plate too full with busy-ness and worry, I was also over-training.

He ordered me to rest for three weeks - and gave me a prescription for Ativan that I chose not to take. Instead, I remembered some things from my Graves' Disease days. I made sure that I was getting plenty of B-vitamins. I got at least 1200 mg of calcium a day. AND most importantly of all, I did breathing exercises, or relaxed listening to Carlos Nakai... that's him playing on the top IMEEM player.

Ten Minutes to Relax used to come in three volumes and were put out by New Harbinger Press. Originally made to accompany the The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook, each CD had five 10 minute relaxation exercises. My personal favorite is volume 2. Now it is a 2-volume CD and I don't think it is the same.

You may feel silly at first, but so what? Close the door, turn down the lights - and if you're me, make the dog move over! Slow, methodical breathing works wonders in relieving physical and mental stress, as well as muscular tension.

A great book I read at that time was "Adrenaline and Stress" by Dr. Archibald Hart. He also has a book out called, "The Anxiety Cure" which my friend who suffers from generalized anxiety disorder found to be very helpful. Anyhow, "Adrenaline and Stress" taught me the importance of relaxation - and of creativity as a form of relaxation. I was teaching art classes, but wasn't doing much myself outside of class. I broke out the charcoal and watercolors and on the nights I couldn't sleep, I sketched and painted. Nine times out of ten, that relaxed me enough to be able to catch some sleep.

Another thing that has helped me is yoga. I like moving, constantly. Yoga forces me to do things slowly and deliberately. It is most definitely a discipline. Getting into the groove of breathing, of holding poses, of slow changes, is hard work for me. However, by the time I get to the end and relax in corpse pose or do the final breathing in lotus, I am relaxed, renewed and calmed.

The yoga class at my gym is sometimes too crowded - and I prefer doing it at home. My favorite yoga workouts are: P90X Yoga (1 hr 25 minutes, really 1 hr 32 min, but I tend to skip the 7 minute ab part), Yoga Radiance (10 - 75 minutes, you choose), The Joy of Yoga (36 minutes) and Fat-burning Yoga (45 minutes). (The last two can be purchased in one DVD. They also seem easy once you've done the first two on my list, but are definitely a nice way to start or end a day).

With that said, the last month or so has been filled with stress of my own making and stress that just came flying in out of left field. It's no surprise that I'm catching every virus or bug that heads my way. Thanks to Dr. Hart and the grace of God, I'm learning to catch adrenal fatigue before I crash. Therefore, I decided - that as much as it is up to me - I'm going to take it relatively easy this week. I'm going to prioritize what absolutely has to be done - and I'm going to try to chill as much as possible.

Another recommended good read is "Tyranny of the Urgent" by Charles E. Hummel.

A 26 minute exercise to get you to sleep:

~o~

Workout Recap

Saturday - elliptical 55 minutes (never made it outside to run, Harry Potter had me in a trance)
Sunday - P90X Yoga, 1 hr 25 minutes; race walk 40 minutes

Today: 30 minutes on the Cybex arc trainer, felt dizzy and sick...came home and rested. Realized that "DUH!" I had been rushing and hadn't eaten the right ratio of carbs for me, I get nasty low blood sugar symptoms.
Returned to the gym in the afternoon. 10 minutes dreadmill, 8.2% incline, 4.0 mph. 45 minute circuit. 15 minutes on the Octane, HIIT.

dumbbell chest press 12/80/3
dumbbell fly 12/60/3
sumo squat 15/40/3
--sprint 1:00, Sci-fit 5.6%
leg extention 15/95
adduction 15/135
pushups on Bosu trainer 20
REPEAT
--sprint 1:00, Sci-fit 5.6%
shoulder press on stablity ball 10/50
assisted dip 10
assisted pullup 5
hanging abs, bent knee and straight leg 12
REPEAT
--sprint 1:00, Sci-fit 5.6%
side lunge with delt raise 20/20
static lunge with lat raise 20/20
REPEAT
--mountain climbers, 1 minute
bicycles 30
toe-touch crunch 25
boat pose 30 seconds
plank pose 30 seconds
REPEAT

...but that's what life has been like for months now. I'm always running myself ragged. Between my inability to say "no" and my "if you want it done right, do it yourself" attitude - my plate is always full. Besides what I have control over, there is the "other" stuff - stuff like parenting, laundry and oh, taking care of all my father's bills and appointments.(I'm basically parenting him right now - and sometimes I even get called to the "office" when he misbehaves at his assisted living, pffff). I'm what is generally called a Type A people-pleaser. I want everyone to be happy. I want everything done expediently, efficiently and exceptionally well. And when life hands me lemons, you can bet that I'm making lemonade...or even lemon meringue pie!

So what do I do to unwind? I workout like crazy. I go for long, long runs. I tell myself it's cathartic, I tell myself that I'm "burning off steam." I'm a liar - I know the reality: I'm an adrenalin junkie. If I have to sit still and look at an empty calendar, I'm lost.

Notice, I said "Adrenalin Junkie" - not "Thrillseeker." They are not one and the same. You won't catch me skydiving, bungee-jumping, hot air ballooning.

Over the past couple of years (after too many episodes of over-training), I've made it mandatory to take one day a week of "rest" - at least rest from strenuous workouts. I'm not 100% compliant with that personal mandate, but I try. I've also been forced to "sit still" for up to two hours at a time while the girls have their figure skating lessons. Generally, I bring work with me, so I'm not actually doing nothing...but a lot of times, I sit and exercise my jaw. This has definitely helped with my stress levels (or at least my ability to cope with the stress I'm always under).

I force myself to do yoga regularly because it is controlled, because it is disciplined in a completely different way. Being forced to move slowly, to breathe deeply...this is hard, hard work for me. Of course, I try to pick the evilest yoga I can - my personal favorite is Tony Horton's P90X Yoga which takes 1 1/2 hours, the first 45 mintues are power yoga.

(Activities that aren't active like laying on a beach are sheer torture to me. No tropical islands for me thank you, my dream vacation is hiking in British Columbia and going to see Ogopogo, or at least somewhere that I can spy a moose).

All this to say that...wow, I've been under so much stress lately that I need something else. I take my calcium with magnesium & vitamin D, I eat my bananas with their high tryptophan content. I try to stop and do breathing exercises when I'm feeling overwhelmed... but darn! I think I've hit some kind of wall where about the only thing that's going to work is CHOCOLATE and lots of it!

If I were to catalog all of the major whammies that have occurred in the past two and a half years, it would be a major undertaking. Seriously. If I were to change that to the list of stuff that has happened in say, the past five or six years, I think I could fill a book rather nicely. I have a couple of friends who call regularly just to see whether a meteor has hit my house or something. :)

And what has me freaked out now? Would you believe it is something as petty as a lack of perfection? Yep, I've got two sisters dealing with possible ovarian and uterine cancer, a nutty father that I'm the care-giver for (see bottom of page), and my baby growing up and moving out... But nope, the straw that breaks the camels back is petty crap!

Besides the emotional stress of a whole slew of events/circumstances/people in my life right now, I'm taking a medical transcription course so that I can work at home in the evenings and bring in some extra money. I aced the first half, straight As. Now I have the textbook from hell, idiots that don't know good grammar and proper punctuation that are "correcting" my quizzes and every single time I send in a quiz it is a FIGHT. Sure enough, I sent in a quiz and got a lousy grade AND more than half of the things marked wrong actually were not. This means I have to argue point by point... I have won the past two times, but it has gotten under my last nerve. I have a chocolate cake in the oven right now.

~o~

Thanks be to God that I got in a great workout today - before I ice that sucker and inhale it!

Caren met me this morning and was ready to roll:

--Dreadmill - 8 minutes, 4.2 mph, 8.2% incline
Medium underhand grip pulldowns, 100 lbs, 25 reps
upright rows, 12 reps, 40 lbs
jump squats with 25 lbs, 10 reps
1-leg pelvic thrust, 12 each leg
--1 minute sprint on the Sci-fit
wide grip lat pulldowns, 3 reps, 140 lbs; 6 reps, 125 lbs; 10 reps, 110 lbs
squat swings w/8 lbs medicine ball, 20 reps
leg press, 20 reps, 260 lbs
--1 minute sprint on the Sci-fit
jumping lunges - 1 minute
plank rows, 10 reps each arm 15 lbs
supermans, 20 reps (During this Caren & I were laughing about "it's a bird, it's a plane" and when I said, "To Infinity and Beyond!" she had to get up and run to the bathroom, it made her almost pee!)
squats with bicep curl, 10 reps, 25 lbs each hand
--1 minute sprint on the Sci-fit
Hack squats, 20 reps, 50 lbs
leg curl, 25 reps, 100 lbs
hammer curls, 20 reps, 25 lbs each arm
--1 minute sprint on the Sci-fit
cross-over lunge with hammer curls, 20 reps, 12.5 lbs each arm
stability ball crunches, 30 reps
hanging abs, 15 reps (My gym got a NEW ROMAN CHAIR!!!!! It made these soooo much better, nice padded elbow rests...aaaahhhh).
Jump Rope - 2 minutes
--35 minutes HIIT on the Octane
--12 minutes on the dreadmill, 4.0 mph, 8.2% incline

I had to rush home after this, take my father to the doctor for a check up. He ASKED THE DOCTOR FOR VIAGARA!!! A) He is ancient and crippled. B) He has no lady in his life. C) He is becoming a dirty old man and I have been called to the office about his inappropriate advances toward very young nurses aides. D) He has some issues with dementia. Ick. I was able to grab the nurse ahead of time and warn that this was coming, then beg for the doctor to make up an excuse. Seriously, I'm afraid he'd get kicked out of the assisted living if his parts actually worked. The doctor called me out later and nicely set my mind at ease, told me not to be too freaked out and embarrassed that elderly men with dementia can really say & do things that are uncharacteristic of who they've always been and that I could calm down, he would never give him a prescription for something like that. It is traumatic to deal with this kind of stuff with a parent. It's worse than when he had me type a poem he wrote that went something like "Scrotum, pendulum, thumb..." Waxing poetic about a prostate exam??? Ick, ick, ick.